dear friends
here are the continuation of short stories ..

regards sheela devi

. NEXT TO MY HEART

I was a loner. Not by chance .But by choice. However, I was enjoying every single moment of it …The world looked more spacious and more accommodative to me .and I had a very comfortable life style too. So many things to encounter and so many things to explore …the niftiness of the nature .yes! I found the world a playground, where I could play the game of my choice…

However, things were not thus a few years back... I was never the master of my world then. Now I was a woman of 35, nubile, youthful looking and unmarried. my friends often praised my beauty. Therefore, I think I was beauty in the conventional sense of the word. Above all I had a very interesting job as a free lance journalist to the magazine Decca Blitz .It was also a leading magazine .I used to cover the scoops and the latest news that circled in the south Indian film industry...

Being in Bangalore had its own advantages too. Here the vista of our professional horizon could spread its wings far and wide …...You had to just look around to see an opportunity knocking .That was one of the reasons why I had chosen to stay in this garden city. I have been here since my twenty fifth year. However, the first and the foremost reason why I was here was to be far away from my native place, in the northern part karalla. A small and old-fashioned village blessed with Mother Nature’s whims and fancies. A sedate village with sedentary crowd. Every one relaxed there, as every one seemed happy with what little they did or earned. There rivers flowed, birds sang always and the wind smiled .the people enjoyed the bounty of nature as much as they enjoyed their life .!!

It as in such a peace atmosphere that my fathered made his empire …an empire in which he was the uncrowned king .He was a very influential person and a politician by profession.His name was venue gopal. People there used to say that Venue gopal was the ‘brain” behind all the political decisions .He had a nick name too...---CHANAKYA….Venugopal could change the course of the political climate of kea with, snap of his fingers…he was indeed a veer shrewd man...

My father had a very resourceful back ground. Being the only so of his parents, he had inherited a all the wealth of my grand parents . Although all those inherited money was of decent origin, it was getting spent for the most vile full acts and deeds and purposes…! Venus gopal was ruthless and recklessand spend thrift. He threw more money to reap more and more .Inshore he had the ball in his court always .!1with the money he owned he bought power. His physical appearance matched his ability. Women were easy baits for him. My mother had no other choice other than to dance to his tunes.

I had a brother who rebelled a lot against my father .Still he loved under his roof as he had no guts to forsake all the extravaganzas of the Venugopal house hold .so in turn he decided to overlook his ill will towards his father .I watched in silence the noxious escapades of my father .He ordered things about .My mother was just a glorified servant ……

One night I sat with my mother late on to the night. As my anther was away on some ruthless assignment, or to be with one of his concubines…Mother just worshipped him .or that was the picture she presented to us . I used to wonder whether my mother was aware of all the bad activities of her husband .his sexual escapades were an open secret of that village. So I was sure mother too knew about it al .so that night I asked her a very adult question .I was twenty two years old .so tether wasn‘t any harm in asking her ‘Mom, are you aware of dad’s loose moraled way of living ? He is having so many women friends...Whey don’t you ask him at least once what he is up to ..”? …My nether heard me out .then slowly...Very slowly..She raised her eyes and looked at me...I saw many emotions flickering past there in those large and expressive eyes. the most predominant of them was sorrow ,that was pent up in her …I knew then that she was quite aware of the private hell she was trapped in .forever and always …she was indeed like a bird trapped in a gold cage ..

She had all the material comforts...But peace of mind was a stranger in her life..My mother d sobbing softly...inbetweenher sobs ,she told me “Saul know every thing what your father is doing .your father married me solely because he knew very well that I would never ever be an impediment in hiss each for sexual pleasures out side marriage .i cat afford to be.Asyou very well know ,I belong to a mediocre family .My father was a very sick person .so when your father’s proposal came in thru a common friend ,it was more than welcome. We had so many financial obligations too at that time...Because my mother’s disease and the medical expenses and later her demise ,every thigh made dad fiscally and morally defeated person …Besides he had another more daughter .So on the whole ,your father’s proposal was like breath of fresh air in to our household’. My mother heaved a sigh of relief and then continued” we never knew about the negative side of your father ,at the time of my marriage to him.But by and by I started to get wind of his high libido and the perfidious nature .twice or thrice I questioned him. However, a scorching glare was all that I had got in return. I knew I was help less. But since I was from a poor back ground ,I chose to suffer in silence .there was nothing that I could go back to “mother started sobbing softly in self pity….I cursed myself for broaching upthe subject with her …I went to bed that night with a heavy heart ……….

My mother was not the same after that day’s incident .She behaved as if she was finding it difficult to conceal her anguish and distress. She hated eye contacts with me even.

Days scrawled by ……….i graduated in literature with flying colours,and immediately tried for a job of some sort. That was how I had landed up with Jaya….
Jaya was running a very successful magazine called “Decca Blitz”. Her sister was my classmate in school. It was at a temple festival near our house that I chanced to meet her.

We exchanged trivialities and then slowly, my disparity to .stand on my feet financially ,cropped up. Jay promised to help me some how. Therefore, from that day onwardsI started working my mind towards my one goal –how to abscond from my father’s vicinity before he got me married to some good for nothing oaf-.

That was how I came to the world of working women. It was so different..So refreshing ….As if you have touched the heaven..!!Youbecame the master of your conscience...In this material world money was power-The Money Power- I had that power now..It made me feel so elated...

My new job required me to be away from my house. That was how I came to live in Bangalore .My fathered disagreed at the beginning . Later he obliged after a lot of cajoling from my part. May it was not my pleading that did the unexpected. It was rumored that he was undergoing certain political strains and also that he was openly living with one of his concubines. What ever it was, I got the green signal to go ahead . Thus I went to the garden city to relish my freedom…..

I knew I would get many opportunities to study further and to soar high in professional fields. So many opportunities were there in the garden city .Life took a roller coaster ride with me..With myriad activates to keep me occupied, outside my job hours. Unlike the village, where elite slumbers at the strike of 10‘o‘ clock, Bangalore never slept….In fact it was then that life came to full swing in Bangalore …every seemed to have some kind of tit bits to do ...like window shopping ,pubs, merry making ,chatting ,drinking ,fast driving and what not. Even girls were out on the road.

I had rented a three bedroom house with three of my friends from my office .our firm provided the advance and the rent we paid between us.

So at last I could be away from my father for good. Still I constantly kept in touch with my mother .She was the silent scope goat of all the audaciousness I showed .She once told me in more than a few words, the verbal harassment she was experiencing from her husband ,all because of my exit. I let it sink in ..You can’t make every one happy always...May be in my case, I was the thorn in my mother‘s life... But I knew the verbal lashing would sooner than later would take a back seat ,as he would soon get another factor of more interest .which would be full of lust and money. Poor Mother..!

Days swept by…... I got quite engrossed in my new life. Yes …it was full of bounce and bounty . A life that gave me full opportunity to put in all my mettle. I was meeting so many people ,so many happenings and of course I was traveling to new places almost every day. Journalism at its best.. That was how I saw my job…

But a nagging pain always persisted at the back of my subconscious mind, in the form of my mother .She was finding it very difficult to adjust with my dad .His escapades were trying to hinder my mother ‘s peace of mind .

A few months of contradictions dragged by…things were looking very rosy for me at the job front. But my weekly phone calls to my mother did not have any thing rosy about it. Day by day her mental equilibrium deteriorated. How could my father be so cruel ? was there going to be no end to his noxiousness and notoriety? But he was a despicable figure just for us .To the outside world, he was a Demi God.-an indispensable factor…What with his shrewd brain and affluent wealth? A real connoisseur of the first order. A “Chanakyan” of the modern times…His concubines increased with his charm. Such was his unquestionable charm…

One night I was jolted out of my sleep by the shrill ring of the telephone .It was my brother .He mumbled just three words that collapsed tee world around me They were” Mother Committed Suicide”!!!....All the other facts that he sobbed in to the phone remained incoherent to me...as they were immaterial. But I did not have to listen, as I knew the reason that led her to do the drastic..She was escaping from a miserable life.”Oh God!! “Chanakya” had destroyed my mother forever . He had harassed her to an early grave. A beautiful life snuffed out in its prime solely due to his hurting escapades….

That day some thing snapped inside me .I started hating men from then onwards…I knew it was a much exaggerated decision. But I was not able to single out a good male /I developed a mental blockade. I was indeed under a lot strain .Men to me were a set of perverted and ruthless lot .It would indeed take a very long time for me to change this attitude .That is if at all I were to change ...
Seasons changed many times over …I was now 35 years old .A resilient woman, almost like the proverbial bird Phoenix, that had rises from its own ashes. A very cold and calculated woman ,who was also a loner ..Yes..Loner by choice...

Present tense prodded me out of my reverie with a phone call. I was now ready to get own with my lonely life. Hosur was a city a bit far away from the proper city. This time I was asked to cover a story about the deserted and raped victims. I had opted out of that initially .Still my boss thought, it would be a challenge for me .So very different from the tinsel world coverage. My boss had high opinion about me.

So the very next day itself, I started my journey towards the shelter home that housed the morally hurt women ..It was a sprawling area, that housed a lot of karalla style houses ..That place immediately brought some mixed feelings in to my heart …I was already aware of the fact that the proprietor of that institution was a Malayalee ,settled in Karnataka. But I was not prepared for what I saw, when I saw him .. His name was Tony Alex. And he was some where around the wrong side of forty. He was a very striking personality, with eyes of a saint -Kind and understanding.

Sitting down to talk with him was an entirely new experience for me ,as he had so much to tell in favor of those poor hapless women …I liked him instantly .All the more so because he had the greatness to start a place just for women ,who were deserted and who were victimized to assaults. That made him a different person from the lot. Even though he was a bachelor, he felt that it was heart warming to help and do social service, as he himself was an orphan since his twelfth year. He was brought up by a kind hearted lady in a small orphanage which she was running all by herself .There he was given good education .from there he had the good fortune to go abroad and work sincerely for a firm ,which paid him well.

Coming back ,he had taken initiative to take over his mentor’s shelter home .He had changed that place in to an all women house .It was in fond memory of his foster mother .the home sheltered all the hapless women and their issues ,and also the women chatted by their lovers or husbands .

I simply adored Tony Alex. Yes he was different..And so very refreshing too .He was slowly bringing back my lost confidence in men! In fact, he was doing a completely emphatic and altruistic service .He had so much to tell me .I was swept in to a transcendent world with him … His speeches had that kind of mesmerizing effect on me. He knew so well the feelings of the down trodden, especially those women who were trampled over by the male chauvinisms.
I collected some very vital materials for an interesting and mind opening article .Yes I had wanted to prove my point to the world .Here was an opportunity that I had been waiting for until now. Tony Alex made it all possible for me. On my way back to my house, my thoughts kept wandering back to Tony Alex. In addition, his philanthropic attitude…Could such fine-hearted men still dwell along side with my father. Tony was so different..So much poles apart in comparison.. Both my father and Tony were striking looking persons. But there ended the similarities. They were two faces of mankind.- Devil and a saint...

On reaching my house, I immediately called my boss. The time was then 11 pm...However, I did not mind .I was so excited .She was so surprised at my call at that late hour. But her surprised turned to joy ,when I told her that I had collected enough and more materials for a heart renting article on these women …Yes so many big wigs ,who pose as demure and well mannered set to the world could be exposed .The public would get a first hand information about these masquerades. About the noxious and nefarious nocturnal activities. So many wolves in sheepskin were going to take it hard .Deccan Blitz was indeed going to go places.

Although I felt happy and elated at my achievements, I was restless. There was an incomplete feeling to which I was I was not able to put a name in to . That unknown anxiety was gnawing in my conscience. I knew I was thinking about Tony Alex. .But I did not want to admit that .A kind of shunning the reality .Because I was afraid that I was falling in to that age old feeling between a man and a woman . I was shell shocked as I was getting bold in my thoughts about Tony Alex.

As the days passed, I started feeling like a woman for the first time . The iron cage I had built around me till now was vanishing . I recalled what my best friend; Neethu had told me once about the joys of falling in love .Love indeed made a human being change to a sober and sweeter person Any way that night I went to bed with a smile on my lips…
Far away in a house near the shelter home, at Hosur, Tony Alex too was thinking about Shalini. Love strings were playing a tango for them ….

The morning broke out with a bright look and to me the world outside my window looked kaleidoscopic..
What was happening to me? I tried to ward off my soft corner for Tony Alex. Because I reminded my self that he was after all a Man...And I had sworn my self to have nothing to do with Men.. Yes that species that bore ChanakyaVenugopal...! The lot that led my mother to an early grave...However, I was unable to stop my mind’s chemistry.

It has been a fortnight since I had last paid a visit to that shelter home and gave myself to Tony Alex and his indisputable charm. However hard I tried to ward him off my mind, the more he came in to my mind capturing my inner most cravings. So I decided to cal him up and reveal my needs .Yes .what is wrong in letting the person concerned to be aware of the fond thoughts about him? I wanted to lay all the cards straight on the table..That way I won’t have any regrets later..

So thus with my mindset, I rang him up. The phone at his house gave two shrills and then a sexy drawl came over the line ..It was Tony Alex. I told him Who I was..And immediately he came alive ,as if he was waiting for my call! Hello ms Shalini..What a pleasant surprise! ..I was wondering what ever had happened to you .How did the story go? Was it accepted well by the readers..I have yet to get the copy of the same..You know here we don’t get your magazine..i will have to go the main city to buy one ..”Thus went the insignificant talks. I knew well that he was waiting for the inevitable...Infact both of us knew that.. The moments were so charged that we could both feel its impact. After a full pregnant silent, I mumbled in to the line clear andslow..‘Tony Alex, I called to say one important thing .You know Tony, you are so different from all the men I have come across till now. Your character is so very close to my heart. In fact I am so impressed by your untiring nature to be an ambassador of the needy women…I am really bowled over by your charms and looks and of course nature..I am sorry ,if I am being audacious and out spoken But I always like to call a spade a spade ..That is why I revealed what is in my heart …”I stopped..and realized that I had not breathed since then. I was panting .This was a feeling that was so new to me .But it was indeed very refreshing and rejuvenating …I was about to keep the receiver down when heard his voice at the other end .I had nearly given up..I heard him say ‘Shalini…I understand your feelings so well ..Just know this much al those feeling you have for me are mutual..Only difference was that I was unable to gather enough courage to tell you about how I felt about you..As I didn’t know how you would take them ..since you had already told me about your animosity towards al men ,for a concrete reason which you have not yet revealed to me ..I Am not probing further too .But now since you have now decided to be different, I have gathered courage ….Yes Shalini..I love you..I loved you the moment I saw you..I knew you were the woman I have been waiting for so long...We have the same aspirations and ambitions .yes darling ..i love you sincerely …”Tony stopped overwhelmed. I was stunned .This was Love..Love that had culminated spontaneously from the similarities of the heart..The rapport was so similar .He hated all the men for all the injustice they did to women. and hence he had wanted to be different. I was in search of such a man . A Man different from all the other men .it was an added advantage that he was a good-looking person too.
So they decided to met at her place the very next day.

That Day could not have come fast enough for me .My room mates were all away for the week end on a picnic .Due to my hectic schedules and the imminent meeting with Tony Alex ..,I had opted out.
By 4 ‘o‘ clock Tony Alex came .I ushered him in to my sitting room .For a moment he looked as if he would to my side and would embrace me .I could also see the conflict in his eyes to control his that instinct . So many soft feeling swept past his face. so sober... so handsome.

Maybe I was also waiting for Tony Alex to happen in to my life. He talked about so many personal things..about his mother’s demise and the loneliness he felt after that. Growing up with out any solid relation ship …he also talked about his foster mother –one Ms Briganza of Holy Home for orphans. She had brought him up so well…Then he paused in between his talks and turned to her side ...”tell me shalu..Where are your parents? why is it that you are still unmarried ?“I sat still for a moment . I wasn‘t yet ready to tell him the sordid story of my family. So I just told him thus “Tony just don’t ask me about my family yet .it is a sob story ..just know that my fathered was the reason why I hated all men ..till I met you .You are so different from him .I suppose that answers a lot of your questions . “…I stopped for a moment and said “my mother committed suicide ,due to the ill treatment of my fathered .I don’t want to continue ..you have brought confidence in me for men ..How I wish all men were like you .!!You know Tony ,I there was some thing very special about you ,the moment I met you .”I stopped for loss of words. Tony broke the silence .”Come on Shalu ..Forget all that ..let us go for a drive .”

The weather looked very salubrious. so I got in with him in his luxurious car ….we drove off to some lonely place .we had so much to talk about …we were moving past the towns…..Some rocky space were getting visible..Oh it was all so beautiful. The nature looked good enough and full enough .just like my heart .My soul soared high.

The sun was sweeping down and the night was setting in ..I was in a trance .To be in love yes it was the most wonderful thing that can happen to a human being. I closed my eyes and leaned back on to the seat..slowly I became aware of a moment next to me ..I felt Tony ‘s hands holding my hand ever so lightly .was I dreaming …Then it was a soothing caress. I opened my eyes. I could hear the rhythm of my heart beat.

It was raining ….No one .not even a house was there in the vicinity. We were alone in the sprawling warm luxury of that car. Our own private heaven .I moved in to his arms ,as if that was the most natural thing in the world .he held me close to his heart .I could hear his frantic heart beats …frantic to hold me tight…then slowly he raised my face and kissed me full on my mouth. My lips were hot and trembling .just like his ….We moved our mouth from side to side, always seeing to it that the magic was not lost ..A thousand stars shone on my horizon then. I was responding. No melting in his arms …I moved more closely to him, hugging him to my heart’s content. Kissing him back deeply and intensely. I felt his hands caressing my neck ,my back and slowly drifting further down………..Yes ..i wanted him so badly. He got my message, my desire, my lust, as if it was all so mutual. We moved to a more comfortable position at the back seat. And with the rain beating hard on the windowpane and with thunder rumbling somewhere far away I reached the pinnacle of ecstasy with Tony Alex. That orgasmic pleasure that only a man and a woman can together create and exult in union. We became one. That exquisite moment lasted until eternity. His life was ebbing in to me . In a crescendo …To give my self to a man of my dreams. Oh! God what an exhilarating experience! What more could I have asked for. My wait was worth all this. We lay spent in each other‘s arms-half dazed and half drowsy. The rain came tumbling down with full force. I felt so peaceful. Both of us were lost in our own worlds. Then unexpected Tony broke the silence. Shalu, you know, darling, I have a reason why I love these lonely and deserted women. My mother too was a destitute... desserted by the man she loved and believed . “Then he stopped, as if remembering some thing. Must be some gory past happenings. I opened my eyes and looked searchingly at him, when I asked “why, Tony ...who was your father... why did he desert your mother?” Tony looked at me with constrained anger. He was finding it very hard to control his rising temper . He said “my father is known more by his nick name than his real name …You know he was none other than ‘chanakya”..Chanakya Venugopal…!!!!
I was dumb struck. Every thing came crumbling down . Realization dawned in slowly and painfully …I had just made love to my own brother!!! ”Chanakya “ over rode all my aspirations and ambitions, my love and my desire, and devastated me completely
“why Shalu …DO you know him You look so stunned, at the utterance of his name . His sound was reaching me as if from a tunnel. “ how little he knew. Still she felt it was better off that way . I did not want to share my private hell with him . Nothing was coming into focus as I felt my head spin . So I said nothing.. Just shook my head and gave him a non-committal smile.

The rain had stopped and we started on our return journey … Some spell was broken. I knew it ..but Tony was not aware of it . He was happy and satiated. He had just now made love to the woman he wanted as his own.

The car stopped in front of my house. Tony kissed me before I got down I returned him a soulful kiss. and then said to myself .”I love you, my darling .” Tony felt me stiffen in his arms. But said nothing about it . He must have felt that I was a little tired and worn out by the first slush of ardent love making. He drove off with a promise to meet me the next day …
I stood there lonely and lost and tired ….”Oh my lover, my life..Why did you have to be my brother ? then I started crying …inconsolable sobs. My whole body racked with the intensity of my sobs . I squatted on that wet cemented ground and cried No one stopped to watch. I was unaware of my surroundings. No one looked Even if some one felt my position awkward, they did not comment. Slowly I got up, went in to my house, and closed the door.
My roommates were away for the night. So I was alone. I went straight to the bathroom and looked at my self in the mirror. A disheveled stranger looked back at me. What was it that my eyes were trying to convey? Was it that “shalu had waited all these years as a celibate ,hating men and their deeds ,only to succumb to an acute and incestuous act?’ God what a colossal injustice. I did not wait any longer. Some uncanny force started pulling me though the chores. I washed my self-.Then came back to my bedroom and gave myself a scented luxurious session. Wore my favorite cream-coloured chiffon sari. Then I opened my cupboard and took my car keys and a bottle of sleeping pills that my friend often took .for getting good sleep. later locked my house and got in to my car and started to drive slowly, but surely and decidedly .

The night was still young. There was a slight drizzle. While driving though the milling crowd, my thoughts wandered to that time when the drizzle had started and had changed in to a down pour …what an erotic feeling had engulfed me then ..I had given my self to my lover …no. my brother … Why was I the chosen one for misery always ?

My thoughts nulled when I saw the neon lighted board of a Hotel –Hotel Kanishka -. I drove straight in to that hotel’s porch .Then got out of my car and locked it . I had a small suitcase with me .I had packed them in a hurry . Then went to the reception and booked a A/C room .I was ready .A boy showed me to my room, Room no :333. I locked the room and kept the tag ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ out side the door. I sat down on the well laid out bed..the sheets were so clean and fresh smelling . I felt the softness of the bed for a minute. Then got up and took a glass of water and the whole lot of sleeping pills I had carried in my bag . Swallowed the entire pills down in one gulp. I laid myself on that clean bed..Closed my eyes and said a prayer.”God forgive me..But I had to do this . I had to escape from this world infested by the pest called Chanakya Venugopal .
Then slowly Shalu closed her eyes..

She was drifting...She fell in to that unending final sleep thinking about the fine moments she enjoyed in the hands of her only love ,a few hours ago…

*

THE BRIDE

Rajagopal and Rohit were best of friends...Yes that was how it was .seeing their togetherness and the constant fights and cracking jokes, no one believed other wise..It was fun to watch them talk and laugh at every little aspects of the surroundings..They always had a thing to discuss and laugh about..Looking at them every one wondered how they could be so free and so close..There was a reason why every one thought so..There was a n age difference of 25 years between them .yes they were also father and son..But they considered that relation ship secondary to their friend ship ..such was the coziness they shared ..
Raja gopal married young as his dad was a very old man and he was also sick...Doctors had not given him more than a few years..
Rajagopal‘s dad was a very affluent and enterprising person..his wife was a very obedient woman ,who preferred to have no life out side the realm of her husband’s hold ..
It was in this closed circumstances that Rajagopal grew up ..He was the only issue and so he was also forced to obey his father in many things ,even if he didn’t want to oblige .”.Raja…” One day his dad called him to his side ..and said “I have decided to get you married to one of my friend’s daughter. you know why ..He hold a lot of shares of my company .Besides he is a very reliable source for the betterment of our leather company ..”He stopped to see some kind of objection coming from his son’s mouth ..But nothing of that sort occurred ..Rajajgopal knew better than to raise an objection .It was futile …
So when Rajagopal was just 22 he got married to Suma…initially he was in consternation of loosing all his freedom being a married man. Because his friends had loaded him with all the gilt and glam of a bachelor..Was he going to miss out on all that all of a sudden ?? Had just entered the threshold of that stage..but Rajagopal didn’t unnecessarily ponder or delve in to any thing that is impossible or that looked to be impossible from the first impression ..May be marriage was what was written on his destiny ..a little too early or late is not going to change any thing …
Thus consoled ,he entered his matrimonial life …
Months and years flew by..Now he was on the fifth year of his wedded bliss .Just twenty seven and a father of a three year old..But he had no complaints what so ever, as Suma his lovely wife, saw to it that he enjoyed his marital life to the brim .There wasn‘t any remorse either from Raja goal’s side ..He had wanted to shout to all those false bachelors, that marriage was not the end of any kind of freedom for a man… Suma was his life’s better half indeed …But the destiny waved a cruel hand on, that young and happy couple ..
They were both returning from one of his friend’s house when the mishap occurred..The late night drive and the little bit of drinks he had consumed, had made Rajagopal a bit tipsy..But he felt confidant enough to drive home .Rohit,their son, was not with them as it was a cocktail party to felicitate some foreign delegates who had come to sign a big deal with Rajagopal company ..
The car turned at a cull de sac and collided head on with an oncoming lorry .the hit killed Suma on the spot..But not Raja gopal ..he escaped unscathed as was thrown out of the seat to a near by hay stack ..
There ended Rajagopal joy and happiness. He who had prided so much in matrimonial life ,now cursed his present widower ‘s life .
Rajajgopal became a recluse for so many years .He even lost his drive for making his company a success .a kind of numbness entered in to his system ..
It took him so many years and the untiring encouragement of his dearest friends to bring him out of the shell he had created around him..Above all his son Rohit grew up to be the best son ever .he was so obedient and intelligent that Rajagopal found no reason to complain or to scold him ..The gulf created by his wife was fast getting removed or filled up thanks to Rohit and his lovable nature .
Years rolled by and Rohit and Rajagopal became inseparables..in looks too Rohit had inherited a lot of his dad’s good looks ..But somewhere he resembled his mother Suma.
Rajagopal was the happiest man now …Because he had a good company in Rohit...When Rohit was growing up and when his life was in books ,schools and his school mates ..rajagopal used to feel a kind of loneliness that could have been because of his solitude. But he didn’t care..Rohit was his world now..But so many of his dear friends did not feel so. They pressed him to marry..Yes that was a reasonable demand too .As it was imperative that there should be a lady around during Rohit formative years ..other wise. How can he get an exposure to the tender side of life ? Like a mother’s love..Even if it is only a step mother ,it would have done wonders to Rohit ..That thought used to gnaw at Rajagopal often .so the solution he found was not by entering in to another marriage. but by being a mother too along with being a father ..yes he enjoyed the role of a mom and dad to Rohit ..that was how much he cared for Rohit ..he was not sure whether another woman would be able to give the same amount of love and affection that he is giving to his son .or what Suma would have given to her son ,had she been alive ..the thoughts of Suma often gave Rajagopal strength and a purpose …
Years rolled by and Rohit grew up to a handsome lad of 23..and his dad was just 47…but Rajagopal was smart and young looking .. .from a distance they both looked almost like good friends ..the age difference between them was not at all pronounced .The main reason for that was that Rajagopal had a thick mop pf hair even at this age ..there was no sign of thinning visible yet. probably a little salt and pepper ..but definitely not thinning ..
Rohit was just finishing his degree course ,when Rajagopal asked him to join along with him in the leather business..”What is the use of higher studies..when you have a well flourishing business waiting to take you “was all that Rajagopal told when ever he was confronted by his son .”But dad..It is always better to take a MBA degree, if I am to prosper well in our business” But his dad was not very supportive of that idea altogether .probably because he was able to bring up his empire all by himself to such lofty heights with out the so called MBA degree..But Rajagopal did not want to dissuade his son..So he said instead “Ok son ...i don’t want to deny you any of your pleasures ...But are you very particular that you want to take the MBA from college itself ...Don’t you think a correspondence course would suffice .That way you can of course help me a lot with my business affairs ..” raja gopal stopped in between as waited to see some kind of positive sign in his son’s face..he was right ..Rohit was indeed considering that option .He did not want his father to take up the entire blame all by himself..So after a few moments he agreed “Ok dad ..just as you wish ..”
So that was how Rohit became a business man...since business was in his veins,he got acclimatized to it as soon as he joined ..Days of happiness and hopes flew past..Along with his studies ,he also managed the office matters well .Rajajgopal was indeed a complacent man now .so much he had suffered ..Now it felt it was time for the pay offs …he was getting rewarded for all the sufferings he was made to indulge, from a very early age itself ..
Meena was a front office assistant to the Rajagopal Leather company ..She was as smart as she was beautiful .Infact there was a line of Romeos onthat same office vying with each other for her attention..But she paid no heed to all those cronies. But she got very close to Rohit..Not because he was the manager’s son..But because she liked his character and the unassuming way in which he carried himself even in spite of his high status and wealth..Yes that was true to the core too..Rohit didn’t have any segregation as far as the staff and their status were concerned...To him every one had a very important role to play in bringing up a company ,,,that too a very successful company ..
Even Rohit favored Meena lot...She was a back ward caste girl..But that was not at all an hinderence for Rohit..As he never cared for any religion in particular .Or rather he favored no religion ..that was the way he was brought up .the priority was given to human beings to behave like one ..Rajagopal‘s instaneous success was all due to that secular feelings ..
Rohit was often seen with meena.and that started some raised eyebrows in the office .Some elder staffs who were very much prejudiced about marrying in to the same caste ,created a kind of strain to that delicate relationship …Rohit knew for sure that he was slowly falling in love with her ..who wouldn’t fall for such a pretty and efficient girl .So one day he decided to get a little more friendly with her ..After the office hours ,he asked to stay back …”Meena ,there is some important typing to be done .can you stay back for a while ?’ he looked imploringly at her ..”Of course, sir. Why not “please Meena ...Don’t call me Sir …just Rohit ...That is better .after all we are both of the same age group isn’t it “? With that he sat with her and gave her some notes ..”please type them and bring them to my room..’..”Ok sir ..sorry Rohit ..” they both laughed at her naughtiness .
“Rohit where is your dad ..does he know that you are here asking me to stay back” ..”Of course he knows...infact he is there in his office room...probably getting tomorrow’s work done ...”She gave a throaty laugh and dismissed that issue...She went back to her room...and started typing...Rohitwas was wondering what his father would have to say to all this, when once he comes to know of all the hurrying he had done for a matter of less importance ..He left that problem there .he would tackle it when he came to that..As soon as he settled back to waiting for Meena...there was a knock at the door ..And before he could get ready ,his dad came in ‘what is happening here Rohit..? What is Meena doing there. I was about to get out of the office when I heard sound in her room .on enquiring she told me that you had asked her to type ‘ why what is so very important “? Rajagopal looked really surprised...Meena seemed very happy telling about it all .as if she did not mind waiting …” Rohit …come on I, know you better than that ..” With that he patted his son’s shoulder ….Rohit felt so embarrassed by that gesture ,that he decided to tell what ever was in his mind ..he hesitated a while ..then said in a slow voice ..”Dad. yes what you had doubted was true ..I do like Meena a lot .but I just want to know her a little more to understand what she feels for me ..that is why I had fabricated a false urgency about a letter ..”Rohit felt as if he was freezing with anticipation .but his father understood his son so well that ,he just smiled and said ,”Rohit ,she is of course a sweet girl ..And a very intelligent one too ..you know some thing ? She has ever so many doubts about all the activities of this leather business .she would surely make a good wife to you.She was asking about my entire family background, about our business..etc..then itself I doubted ,why so much interest in our family matters as well as family history …now I know the reason behind her doubts .she was getting an idea about her future in-law’s house ..”With that he laughed loudly..Just at that moment .Meena came in with all the typed papers...She smiled innocently and beamed at Rohit.”.Sir...Sorry Rohit..Here are the papers”..And then she turned to Rajajgopal and said with equal happiness and aspect “how do you do sir ..I didn’t see you around today ..what happened sir ? are you feeling ok? ‘”Of course I am alright ...Just had another important meeting to attend to ..So I dropped in just half an hour back .. So she was being over good to him...May be trying to win over her future father in law..With that thought, he turned to watch his son trying to discuss certain typed matters in the papers..She was all eyes and ears for Rohit...Rajagopal felt that his exit was imperative..May be that was what they both were wishing too...He moved away from them to his room..He locked his room and just drove away to his house...While driving he thought of what he had just witnessed..Yes his son was falling in love .And he did not know about it .he who had prided so much in the fact that there was no secrets between them...But that was how life took its twists and turns...From some where out of the blue, you would face realizations ..Here it came in the form of Meena ….
It was late in to the night and Rajagopal had not slept..He was turning and tossing..Suma‘s memory started haunting him. Had she been here now she would have been aware of Rohit love...Yes it is usually to mothers that children open up..But he had been so free with rohit...When did he hide his heart’s finer feelings from him ..Did he fail any where ?
Rajagopal knew he was un necessarily getting worked up...There are certain things in life which we don’t decide on for our selves ..The reason is unexplainable to.
But one thing he decided..That is as early as possible he was going to talk to Meena‘s parents ,about giving her as his daughter in law. on thinking about all the pains Meena went to know more and more about his family and about his son and also about him was an explicit example of how much she was also interested .may be it was her way of sending the feelers ..”What an idiot I have been, for not having got an inkling of that young mind!!”Their constant togetherness..And also Rohit over enthusiasm to be with her all were so predominantly pointing out to the obvious..He went to sleep with such sweets decisions and memories .”.Tomorrow is going to be a very eventful and hectic ..’
Rajagopal got up very early and woke up Rohit too ...”son, you know what is the first thing I am going to do ..I am going to visit Maenads house and ask her hand for my son ..Rohit sat up right ,as if he was bitten by a dog..”Dad...You don’t mean that ..Do you ?” “Yes ...Of course I mean it ..Why? Do you have any doubts about her feelings for you ?” Rajagopal was all concern now …”No dad...but..She has not yet told me that she loves me..And more over even I haven’t openly told her so .Although I love her very much .”Rohit admitted...He had a feeling that dad was rushing things ..But Rajagopal knew better than that ...”what do you mean by that Rohit..when can you expect a girl with such a good back ground and caliber make such bold admissions ..You just asker and see..Do you think she would say no..If that is what you feel ..Well that was not what the picture she was giving me..The way she was so interested in being with and with me goes to prove just one thing ..”Rajagopal was decided …”yeses dad…I haven doubts about her feelings for me...She does like me very much..She is so interested in knowing every thing about us..And she has an opinion about every thing I speak..I like all that qualities about her “So like you said let us go to her house and ask her hand for me …..”
So at last Rohit was confidant. That made Rajagopal mind more happy ..he was finishing almost all his duties of his this life ……
They were able to find meen‘shouse from the address she had given them, when she joined their office …It way a bit far away from their place..Rajagopal and Rohit were both in their own world all through out the drive ..Rajagopal was indeed very excited about the prospect of getting Meena as his daughter in law ..As there need not be any preparations to be made to confront her...Because they both knew her so well ..She was the best …
Rohit on the other hand was thinking about the sudden excitement that would rise in Maenads face on hearing the wonderful news..Even the other day he had made an hint about his love for her..He was sure that he saw a twinkle in her eyes then….
They reached Meena‘s house by forenoon.There wasn‘t any body in front .The door was closed...Meena‘s house was just an ordinary one ..Rohit told his dad that Meena lived with just her mother..As her as her father was dead since long time …They pressed the calling bell and the door opened immediately ..there stood Meena .She looked more beautiful in her disheveled look .”Wow!!What a surprise ..I was not expecting you both..Rohit…and sir …”Meena was finding it impossible to cover her excitement ….She called to her mom. Her mother was beautiful middle aged woman .The tragedies in her life and the miseries she had to undergo had marred her good looks to a considerable extent..But one could undoubtedly find that Meena had indeed inherited her good looks from her mother .
After the necessary formalities Rajagopal came straight to the subject..Mean was not present there then..She had gone in to take some coffee for her prestigious guests ..
Rajagopal made use of that opportunity to open up “Madam ...I am here on an important mission ...That is to ask for your daughter’s hand for my son ..I have strong reasons believe that they both are in love.”With that he paused to see her reactions...Gomathi,that was Meena‘s mother’s name ,just sat there transfixed ..What better alliance could ever happen for her daughter other than this..She gushed happily “I can’t believe my good fortune …sir, I would be only too happy to send her as your son’s bride …”’with that she called “Meena …come here fast …your boss wants to get your permission on some thing very exciting …just come fast “ Gomathy was smiling widely now ..Meena came beaming in ..”Yes what is it sir ‘? She asked happily ..
Rajagopal got up to look straight in to her eyes ..”Meena..My dear … will you come to my house as my son’s bride …?”
Meena did not say any thing for a minute..Then with calculated words and movements she started to speak softly..There was a slight quiver to her voice when she said “Yes I will be happy to come to your house ...but not as your son’s bride”..She stopped …she was shivering slightly ...”Then Whom??” Rajagopal was surprised...Meena answered ever so softly” As Your Bride”…
*


FEATHER TOUCH

Rajesh would have been a handsome man had he not been physically deformed due to a major accident. Yes he had wide and expressive eyes and a beautiful smile with a firm look. But not now ..Now he was just a semblance of human look on his face .His eyes were the only organ that escaped a fire mishap that occurred due to a slight carelessness of his mother..
When any one asked him about that incident, all he would say is that “my mother was lucky .she till looks the same “nothing else .so no one was able to find out whether his mind was full of remorse or venom…some came to the conclusion that he was a recluse all because of his appearance .It was hideous from one angle and pathetic from another .Rajesh bore it all in his stride .Because he was afraid to kill himself!!!
Rajesh was a very intelligent man ...He had inherited that too along with his bad luck .His mother was a symbol of strength for him when ever he would feel down and out ..Now she was no more thus. She was always complaining and cursing..Some thing happened to her mental state after that incident.. ..That was the main worry for that poor young man..Whenever he was not thinking about his bad looks, he would curse his fate that landed him with that hideous appearance. And an indifferent mother
It was a rainy day and mother was busy making some food in the kitchen...it was then she called to him “Raja…what will I do now as the gas is over and the delivery man has not yet brought the second cylinder ...See,I had asked you ever so many times to go and enquire …as usual you have forgotten it this time too” Now she would not stop ..Rajesh knew that .yes...he was at fault .because it was his mistake that he had not enquired. so he went in to the kitchen and mother was fuming there with anticipation of some thing unknown “I know you had told me that .amma ..However, I forgot about it in my tension in the bank .there was some kind of embezzlement there and we were all questioned. I was completely in that thought process ...””Now don’t tell me some lame excuses to support your absent mindedness..Now a days I have seen that you are more of a recluse than an active person, it is high time you decided what you want to do with life..Mother was talking to him as if it was because of his mistakes that he was a recluse..
Nevertheless, it was not so. She knew it too .but being his mother she was trying her maximum to divert him from that bitter facts..Yes, they were indeed so bitter that she was not at all in a state of mind to relive it all. That was the cursed day that had changed her son’s life for ever..
That day was a Tuesday..It started off as any other day..by 10 ‘o’clock in the morning Janaki realized that she had run short of gas .and they were having some guests too for lunch as Rajesh had got a job in the bank to celebrate the occasion, Rajesh had called some of his close friends for lunch .theirs was not a very affluent family .Infact janaki was finding it very difficult to run the house with the meager salary she used to get from her small time office assistant job in a private firm ..So Rajesh ‘s job was welcome change in to their family. They had so many loans to deal with and so many hand loans too .Rajesh was a handsome young man, with an equally good habits and nature .Janaki often blessed her stars for gifting him to her..but that day changed every thing for both of them..
Janaki called out to Rajesh in despair.”Rajesh..What shall we do now..We have run out of gas ..and I don’t have spare one either ..i think we better take out that old pressure stove …” ok mom’ was Rajesh’s prompt reply ..While he was in the process of taking out the stove from the top shelf, he asked his mother “mom, are you sure you would be able to prepare all the dishes with the help of this stove alone ..?’ no raja .i would have to light up the fire woods too .not that there are a lot of that here. But I shall do with that for the time being..Just don’t worry son..You just get that stove well pumped and oiled. Then rest assured..ok? “Rajesh was happy that his mother was positive about the impending lunch ..Because it was not often that she ever complained about any thing. That was also another reason why she was able to see them through all the turbulent situations …
The pressure stove was quite dusty and unused...Still Rajesh cleaned it well and filled it with the available kerosene..And he started to pump pressure in to it ..After a few strokes he felt that was enough and so he lit the wick. After a few minutes the flame started to dwindle..He was wondering what ever was the matter with the stove .so to make things go smoother and faster .He started pumping pressure in to it The flame slicked once, then started to grow up..But the next thing that occurred was unforeseen...That was doom in all its glory .the stove exploded with a huge sound..Probably the stove was not able to take so much pressure or may be it was the unused state of it that was playing the cruel game..What ever it was, the flame that shot up consumed the entire face of Rajesh...He was bent up on the stove when disaster struck ..The flame shot up and caught Raja on his face..He remembered just a shout that escaped his throat …Then he lost conscience…
Later he found out that he was in a hospital...And he was disfigured... …
Rajesh broke from his miserable reverie and started on his daily chores..
Always he wished he had a woman with him pending to all his needs.. More over he was in an age when every man yearned for the company of a young woman..a woman ,whom he could love and care for and who in return would love him and make him happy …but Rajesh neither had that pleasure nor a hope ..”Oh God, he often mused ..why did I survive that mishap.. Is it to suffer alone?
That day he reached his office early and there was a lady sitting at the corner bench..she was so pretty that Rajesh was unable to take his eyes off her ..She was so innocent looking too at the same time ..But she was not at all paying him any heed..she behaved as if he did not even exist ..But since Rajesh was the first to arrive at the bank, he had an advantage of approaching her for enquiring..She slowly got up and said in a sweet voice “Sir ,I am new to this place ..i would like to start an account in this bank .I am also an employee. I am a school teacher ...”
With that she looked searchingly at his face..Hoping to get a positive answer…Rajesh was so struck by her physical beauty that he found it hard to speak for a moment. but when he found his voice ,it was quivering …she just smiled at him and moved to the next counter with a kind of sympathetic look …God she must have thought that he was a spastic…Rajesh smiled at his own foolhardiness .This was all due to his craving for a woman’s company ..he was used to so much adulations from the female crowd not so long ago..But now since his mishap, the world had reduced to a dull and lack luster existence..How much he craved for a female company...Why was god so callous to him ..he burnt with such desponding thoughts ..But what was the use..May be he was destined to just dream..But he hoped that some where on the planet, there was a woman meant solely for him ..There was a pleasure in thinking about it all…
Rajesh was a lady’s man before the calamity .So it was not an easy task to condition himself to the fact that he was now an object of ridicule .physically..
With such depleting thoughts he spent his days..He was finishing off his life span with utmost patience..But even amidst his pains, he nursed a sweet dream..a dream in which either existed a lovely looking girl with a lovelier smile specially meant for him ....he knew it would always remain a dream ,whether he wished it or not ..but what is the harm in dreaming even if he knew that it was a dream …things that brought joy to one’s heart was always welcome ….
The girl he saw that day in the bank had a semblance to his dream girl .so he started d to get a little more hope full …it was just a shot on the black that she would ever turn his way with such inclination ..But still…..
Every evening he went for a walk through the streets of that area. He loved the smell of earth during dusk. it had a kind of enigma….
No one noticed him .but he noticed every one..How happy the world looked from his view point..Every single person he came across was good looking .They had a family and there was a woman and child waiting for every one..Why not him ..Why did he have to become a sore thumb in this world …
The fruit vendors and flower women were trying their maximum to rush up their sale..The smell of jasmine flowers emanated through the atmosphere land gave the area a very erotic sensation..No none noticed the sweet scent .every one was busy …he had no place here. His world would exist in his dreams. There he would have people extolling him, loving him and tending to all his needs ..There would-be a girl, who would smother him with enough passion to liven up his dreary vigil hours..That was the panacea he resorted to liven up his wakeful hours …that was exactly what he was going to do now ..sleep was his only solace ..
He had an early dinner .went to bed..Tried to sleep…
There was a knock at the front door..He listened..Yes it was loud and clear..Who would it be at this uncanny hour..Probably some one from the bank!1he got up groggily and went to the front door there was girl standing there, smiling at him..She looked very familiar …Yes. She was that same girl from the bank..The very same girl who had asked him about starting an account in the bank…”oh, it is you. What brings you here? Please come in. it is so late ..And I suppose it is going to rain too .i heard the rumble a few minutes back ..She entered the room..There was an intoxicating smell of jasmine flowers. He looked further. She was, wearing a few jasmine flowers..In her hair ..But why so much smell from them ..”I am neena...I am very impressed by you Rajesh...I don’t know how to put it in to words .i might sound very silly if I tell thus ..But I have seen you since long time even when you were a handsome guy..But your present look and the comparison with the previous look is only adding to the passion I feel for you …because I had already fallen in love with you the first time I saw you ..i can’t pin point exactly what I had loved most about you ..it is definitely not your looks alone ,,,other wise I would not have been here now …but I love you badly and ,madly “ she stopped speaking …
Was he again dreaming, he was not able to believe his good luck..The girl whom he had visualized in just his dreams, was standing before him in flesh and blood and was confessing to him exactly what he had wanted her to confess..” You know Rajesh. Looks are just a passing phase...it is the character that needs to be taken in to consideration…I feel I have known you since long time. You have that kind of an effect on me ...’She stopped her volley of words..They were like honey drops in his ears ….”But he had his own doubts about what she knows about him...or how can she be so sure about his nature..it can be a vile one too ..But she sounded so confidant..This must be what poets call as poetic justice.Any thing and every thing licensed and true..Her feeling for him must be genuine …
Neena slowly came to stand so close to him that she was breathing in to his shoulder. Her smell was intoxicating him...one side of his face twitched...As if he was trying to control a lot of his emotions .what a fantastic feeling it was all. He slowly caught hold of her …and kissed her to his heart’s content..She moaned ever so softly in to his ears ..as if she was reveling in the glory of her passion ..Time stood still..Just they both existed in the earth..a thunder reverberated some where in the distant and the lover’s found the sublime bliss in each other ‘s arms ….
He was moaning and groaning and was repeatedly calling to her “neena…neena ….slowly that call became a cry and finally a roar ... And he opened his eyes hearing his own sound aloud…what was happening? Sunlight was seeping in through the drawn curtains …he sat upright .like some one who was hit with a boulder.. What had happened …where was Neena …? Oh my God! not again ..was it another dream ….?” He started weeping..It was not out of remorse …but out of self pity..What a fine feeling and a sense of belonging that had developed in him …it was all like a line drawn on the water ..gone as fast as it was drawn. Tears flowed uncontrollably down his cheeks ..all a dream ..and Just a dream …
Slowly he got up..The day was starting and so were his mundane chores...A life that is the reality ..a life that is a dream turned sour …
Rajesh started making his bed …he placed his pillow in it’s place …and while he was folding the sheet properly..Some thing felt under his fingers..Some thing feather like..And delicate...He slowly took it from beneath the folds of the sheets...It was a smothered Little jasmine flower!........

*








DOWN THE MEMORY LANE

The bus sped fast through the virgin valley and the concrete jungle. The cool and damp breeze brought so many thoughts in to Neelima‘s mind. It was the wee hours of the morning .She had started her journey from Chennai the previous evening. Now she was about to reach her home land …..The land where neither her house nor her dear ones lived .Still she preferred to call it her home land ….She felt so lonely and lost .A myriad of feelings sped past her .That village had so many valuable and precious memories that had a touch of saltish taste ….Saltish because of the tears it contained …..
Memories …they awaken you always whenever you want to forget … … …
Chavara was a small village in the southern part of Kerala .Though it was not touched much by the fashions of the jet set age ,it had beauty in heaps .Because nature was always flirting with that place ..The way the greenery grew and spread ,no one would feel that this was a remote village .it held many scope for a health resort or a tourist spot ..
That was exactly what Neelima‘s father Shankar and his friend George felt. Their business eye caught their attention there and they both saw the possibility of a tourist haven ,with all its unkempt and virgin beauty. With the high altitude rocks and trees and many unnamed birds. The forest had so many medicinal plants .
George and Shankar were the business partners of a newly started construction venture called’ SHAGO’
! They were friends since their college days .It was their similarity in the business field namely construction field that made them become closer .After so many discussions and arguments they had decided on starting their maiden venture in Chavara.
Neelima was Shankar‘s only daughter .She was twelve years old when they came to Chavara.. But Chavara did not have any good English medium schools .That posed a problem. But George found a solution for that .As his son who was fifteen too had to have a good school to finish his SSLC .They engaged a driver for taking both of them to the near by English medium school . It was a few miles drive to the nearest town where there was a very good school. Joseph was George’s son .He was a very handsome boy at fourteen .He had very good manners and nature .Neelima liked him a lot as unlike many other boys ,Joseph never made fun of girls ..That was a very admirable quality of his .He treated both girls as well as boys in the same manner.
Joseph had a special affection for Neelima. His young mind did not register it as love at that time .But he was sure she had a very special place in his heart . They were almost always together after school hours .They went exploring the sparsely crowded streets ..Went to explore the little forest areas ..it was fun and frolic all the way ..
There was a local temple there for a Serpent God under the banyan tree .The serpent God and Goddess were considered very powerful by the local people .One day Neelima took Joseph to that Temple. It was also known as “Sarpa Kavu”. “Joseph, if you pray here ,all your wishes would be full filled ..it is not just me who is telling thus ..This is the general belief around here .People have experienced uncanny materializations of their wishes ...”saying thus, Neelima‘s closed her eyes and joined her hands and sta